I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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