Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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