My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Small penises have feelings too.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
