And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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