If that was your dad, he is hot
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
