just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
