Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
