she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
