i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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