Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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