i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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