I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize