The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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