Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right