I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.