Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will be naked everywhere
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
