shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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