I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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