Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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