But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
