i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
