last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
