I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
