Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
