It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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