Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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