He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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