Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
