I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
