I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
