He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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