Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
