no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
