I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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