i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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