new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
