he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
