you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
