you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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