There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He passed out mid-signature
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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