Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
