Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
True strength comes from lack of pants
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
