my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
