Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
