I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
