I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
