Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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