Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
