When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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