I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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