I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
