Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
