Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you still have your period?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
