I am in a vortex of obligation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
