The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
