my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize