so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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