i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
