who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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