you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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