I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
