Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
