I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize