Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
