Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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