I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
