No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
