Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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